Grief, Depression, and Hopelessness

Don't worry, Daryl. All the pretty ones are ugly criers. (Seriously, this came up for "ugly crying gif".)

So, yeah. It's been awhile since I've updated anyone on my life, so might as well do it now. Lately, I've been dealing with a lot... I just recently lost someone close to me and I'm kind of struggling with it. I... To be honest, I don't think I'm doing that well with it. I feel like I should be over it by now, but I'm just not and I don't know why. The fact that I honestly was quite depressed prior to this happening probably doesn't help matters. I would seek professional help, but apparently my insurance doesn't cover mental health stuff, even though I'm on state-funded insurance for elderly and mentally disabled people because I have a mental health issue. Seriously, where is the logic in that?

I don't know when the depression started, but I do know around the summer of 2013 is when I started taking notice of it and started requesting help for it. I have had some really low lows in that time, but thankfully I've never gone through with anything drastic. I'm starting to feel pretty hopeless, like I'm never gonna be able to get myself help; I'm never gonna actually make something of myself; I'm never gonna be truly happy... It fucking sucks and I don't expect anyone to understand. You just have to be in my shoes to get what I'm going through and that's probably the worst part, no one's ever gonna understand what's wrong with me but me, and I just wish there was a way I could make people understand.

I also watched Straight Outta Compton today and that probably didn't help... If you haven't seen it yet... Sad ending. That's all I have to say.

Well, now that I've gotten that out of my system and depressed you all, here's a picture of a corgi splooting. You deserve this cuteness.

Also, I've also managed to double my amount of posts vs. last year. Huzzah!